Answers to Prayer
I wanted to share the talk I gave in sacrament meeting today. This was one of the most difficult talks I’ve written and even more difficult to share. I sobbed the whole way through. Gratefully, it was well received by many who were there. That made it all worth it. <3
Answers to Prayer
By Elder Brook P. Hales
Of the Seventy
Good morning. My name is Vanessa Kitch. My family and I have lived in the ward for 21 years. I guess we are old-timers. We’ve definitely seen the ward go through lots of changes. My husband Jared and I met in HS here at Gilbert High, we were band nerds, and we’ve been married 25 years. We have 3 children. Walker, our oldest, is 22, just graduated from ASU last year, and is back to complete his Masters in secondary education. Eli’s 19 and a sophomore at ASU and in the Air Force. Alayna, our youngest, is 15. She’s a sophomore at Campo, just got her driver’s permit, and is on the Varsity volleyball team. We aren’t empty nesters yet. All 3 kids still live at home. So, we’re either doing something really right or really wrong…Ha!
My talk today is based on Elder Brook P Hales, 2019 conference talk titled, “Answers to Prayer”.
In Elder Hales’s talk he said, “An important and comforting doctrine of the gospel of Jesus Christ is that our Heavenly Father has perfect love for His children. Because of that perfect love, He blesses us not only according to our desires and needs but also according to His infinite wisdom.
One aspect of that perfect love is our Heavenly Father’s involvement in the details of our lives, even when we may not be aware of it or understand it. We seek the Father’s divine guidance and help through heartfelt, earnest prayer. When we honor our covenants and strive to be more like our Savior, we are entitled to a constant stream of divine guidance through the influence and inspiration of the Holy Ghost.
The scriptures teach us, “For your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him,”3 and He “knoweth all things, for all things are present before [His] eyes.”4
I’ll give you 3 examples of how the Lord has answered prayers in my own life.
A few weeks ago, my daughter, Alayna, gave a talk and shared a bit about Jared and my journey in our church activity. For those who weren’t here, I’ll give a quick recap so I won’t bore those who’ve already heard it. Jared and his family were active when he was younger, but his parents divorced, and most of his siblings left the church. By the time he was 13, he was also inactive. I was baptized when I was 11, but aside from myself, my family was largely inactive or nonmembers.
We started dating in high school. Once I turned 18, I too became inactive as I didn’t feel like I fit in in Relief Society or the YSA Ward. We got married and occasionally went to the Baptist church where his stepdad was the pastor. We started thinking of having a family, so one night we knelt and prayed about what we should do. Over the next week, we were visited by the Elder’s Quorum and the missionaries without either knowing or speaking to one another. The prior 2 years of our marriage living in the same house, the church had no contact with us. The Lord had clearly answered our prayer; we couldn’t deny that.
Returning to church was a big transition, but we did our best to act in faith and began attending full-time. And here we are all these years later.
Heavenly Father was aware of us. We’d lost our way but we were never lost to God.
The Savior taught:
“Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father.
“But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.
“Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows.”7
Elder Hales goes on to say, “In other situations, when our worthy desires are not granted in the way we had hoped, it may actually be for our ultimate benefit.”
My husband works in IT. Several years ago he lost his job that he’d had for over 13 years. To say it blindsided us is an understatement. He’d had a great relationship with them, but they decided to outsource his position to a larger company. We had three young kids, I was a stay-at-home mom, so losing this job, our only means of income, was devastating.
We prayed constantly for the Lord to show us the way we should go. A grueling six months later he was hired at Dell SonicWall. He was overqualified but we needed income, so he took it. We were so thankful to be employed again, but the position didn’t pay him enough to meet our needs. We struggled to understand why we were in this place. We felt that this was a righteous desire to be able to support our family and be self-reliant. We were scraping by living paycheck to paycheck and supplementing with the Bishop’s storehouse.
He worked there for 9 long months. He continued to look for work and he even decided to go back to school through the Church’s Pathway program. We continued to pray that something better would come along. Looking back, I think only through those prayers and the prayers of our family and friends was it possible for us to bear it.
After 15 months of uncertainty, Jared was offered an amazing position at a well respected law firm.
This position mainly focuses on their firewalls. In short, the experience he gained at Dell was the very thing that opened this opportunity up for him. In the interview they specifically said they wanted someone who knew that particular technology. Isn’t it funny how the Lord works? God knew the end from the beginning (as He always does).
Are we willing to be patient while the Lord refines us into who He wants us to be? Have we learned to give in to God’s will? Do we let the trials in our life weaken our faith or strengthen our faith?
There have been many times in my life I haven’t fully understood why a trial has been placed upon me or my family. I’ve had 3 miscarriages. I suffered severe postpartum depression after my 2nd son was born. At 1.5 that child was hospitalized with life threatening intestinal issues. My husband suffers from Multiple Sclerosis. I injured my foot and the doctors said it would heal in 6 weeks. It’s been 12 years. Each of these experiences taught me how critical prayer is and the peace that can come as I put my faith in Heavenly Father.
We all have adversities. I’m sure mine pale in comparison to many. But commonly, these trials can make us or break us. No one leaves this life unscathed.
Robert D. Hales states, “We are taught in the scriptures that there must be opposition in all things (2 Ne. 2:11). It is not a question of if we are ready for the tests; it is a matter of when. We must prepare to be ready for tests and adversities that will present themselves without warning. More often than not we never get the big blinking neon traffic sign that says… “Trial ahead please use another route.” (“‘Behold, We Count Them Happy Which Endure’,” Ensign, May 1998, 75)
But boy that sure would be nice!!!
And lastly, Elder Brook P Hales explains, “Sometimes, the answer to prayer that we so righteously, desperately, and earnestly seek is not given in this life.”
In June 2016 I was getting ready to go up to YW’s camp as the Mia Maid Advisor. The day before we were supposed to leave, I started to get really sick. Like sicker than I’ve ever been in my whole life sick. I was up all night with a raging fever and couldn’t keep anything in. Jared found me in a lump on the bathroom floor and he carried me back to bed. I slept a little and woke up a couple of hours later – delirious. I tried getting out of bed and I hit the floor-hard. That’s when he rushed me to the ER.
They started pumping me with an insane amount of fluids. The nurses and doctors were shocked at how many IV bags I’d gone through. They ran all sorts of tests, took all kinds of imaging and nothing was showing up other than my skin had turned a tint of orange, my white blood cell count was through the roof and my heart rate and blood pressure were dangerously low. So, an infection was the most likely diagnosis. But they didn’t know what from.
Once I was a bit more stable, they were talking about possibly releasing me. However, almost as soon as one doctor was informing us of that possibility another doctor came in and said he felt I should stay overnight for observation. A decision that undoubtedly saved my life. A room opened up and as soon as I had gotten settled the nurse got a call and the doctor said that with my vitals as poorly as they were I needed to go up to the ICU. He was very concerned and wanted me where they could keep a closer eye on me.
The next morning, my labs came back and they told me I had a bacteria I’d never heard of before. My medical team was excellent but I kept declining. I’d become septic and my body was shutting down.
They tried all kinds of interventions that are too difficult for me to talk about but there was a moment where I thought, “This is it. This is how I’m going to die.” My body was just too weak and wasn’t responding to any of the treatments.
Bro. and Sis. Esperson came to the hospital to help Jared give me a Priesthood Blessing. It meant so much to me that they came. I don’t really remember much about what was said other than I felt peace and that the Lord said I had “a great faith”. Which later those words would mean more than I could have known at the time. Afterwards, I was finally able to rest, and felt reassured that things were going to start improving.
I ended up staying a week in the hospital. And after being discharged it took another 2 months and several rounds of strong antibiotics to finally be clear of this resistant bacteria. As some of you may know, just because you’re released from the hospital it doesn’t necessarily mean you are well. Healing takes time. It took me a full year to regain my strength and energy.
The physical part of this experience was undoubtedly agonizing and I’m grateful to say I’ve recovered fully now. However, the mental aspect is something I continue to carry and deal with daily. Years of counseling have certainly helped. I’ve been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I have a fear of getting sick again and being on the brink of death. PTSD is real. It’s strong. Fear and anxiety rule over me in ways that are difficult to explain and for others to understand. It’s compelling and exhausting.
I have anxiety/fear touching things that I feel aren’t clean or that others have touched. My brain works in overdrive to make sure I stay safe. But I’ve been working very very hard to regain trust in the world around me. I went through several months of deep, dark, all-encompassing depression, where I didn’t know if I could continue on. My faith was rocked to the core. I felt so alone and isolated from everything and everyone- especially God.
Which led me to having so many questions and doubts. I didn’t know
1) If God existed
2) That if He was real, was He who I thought He was all my life?
3) If He was, did He give two cents about me?
Rebuilding that relationship took everything I had. It took time. I had lost my faith and testimony… and praying felt ridiculous. But prayer had also been such a part of my life that it also felt like I had lost my best friend. So, I journaled my prayers for a long time. If there was someone up there watching or listening, He could read what I wrote. I wasn’t ready to have a conversation yet.
Over the course of several months, I could see small ways those “journal prayers” were being answered. Slowly I’ve been able to come to know God again. Who He is. His character. His nature. I’m learning to trust Him. Through this journey I’ve recognized that it’s impossible to live without Him. I can’t do it on my own.
Every single day I have to consciously gather my courage and ask the Lord for help so that I can do the simplest of tasks. There was a time I was afraid to touch or even hug my husband and children. I didn’t feel safe in my own home let alone outside my home in public spaces. Friendships and relationships are challenging. I’m much more reserved and withdrawn than I used to be.
I am improving little by little. I can see the progress now as I look back over the last 6 years. But only through the mercy and grace of God. A God I had to rediscover, and find my way back to. It hasn’t been easy. It has come only through reaching, studying, obedience, temple attendance, diligence and prayer that I’ve never before exercised. It has been an effort I’ve never before been willing to give. It has required me to strip away everything I thought I knew and begin again. Really and truly from a place of humility and yearning to discover again what I believe. My faith grows every day.
(Side note– And yes, throwing a worldwide pandemic in the middle of this journey has been rough.)
Will I ever be free of this mental cage? I honestly don’t know.
Is this a punishment from God? No.
Am I less than because I struggle with mental illness? No.
Is my faith not enough because I’m not healed from this trauma? No.
Do bad things happen in this fallen world? Yes.
Does everything happen for a reason? I don’t think so. Sometimes maybe. But what I do know is whatever happens to us the Lord can turn it for our good and we can learn and grow from it…. IF we allow it to.
Charles Lindbergh’s wife Anne Morrow Lindbergh said: “I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches. If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffering must be added mourning, understanding, patience, love, openness, and the willingness to remain vulnerable.” (“Lindbergh Nightmare,” Time, 5 Feb. 1973, 35).
I want to bear my testimony that as much as it seems ideal to go through our lives without adversity- it is not God’s plan. He has to stretch us and take us to places we would never go on our own. These experiences are what shape us and make us who we are today and who we will become tomorrow. He will allow us to fall to our knees and plead our case before him; He will hear us as we cry out His name as we feel frustrated, scared, lost, and when we feel we are all alone. When we become humble, teachable, patient and faithful, He will come to us in the very hour of our need. No one but the Lord knows how to comfort us, love us, and give us exactly what we need when we need it. He longs to hear from his daughters and sons through prayer. He wants to hear from us and what our concerns are. He wants to know that we want His help. Make time for prayer. Talk to Him as you would a friend. It doesn’t always need to be formal. Pray out loud. Pray in the car. And if you’re not ready to speak what’s in your heart. Write it down. Keep a prayer journal. He’ll listen. The Lord is filled with compassion. Compassion means “to suffer with” or to “suffer together,” and that’s exactly what He will do if we let Him. He doesn’t typically remove the trials but He extends His love and strength in the trial if we look for it and receive it. So, as you experience hardship, reach out with believing eyes and a trusting heart. He will reach your reaching.
I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
After the meeting was over I was greeted by lots of hugs and friends thanking me for sharing. That it meant a lot to them and touched their hearts. I’m grateful the Spirit was with us as I gave my talk so their lives could be touched in the way they needed. When I got home that afternoon I received a few texts as well and I wanted to put them here so that I could remember the sweet words and kindness that was shared with me as well.
