It’s been 5 years since I was in the hospital fighting for my life. I’ve been thinking about all that’s happened since then.
It feels strange.
So many mixed emotions.
I still struggle every day with PTSD.
I also have more good days than bad. I feel frustrated that I’m not further along in healing after all this time. The mind is complex.
Grateful for the physical healing that has come much quicker.
There is no cure-all for PTSD. Some people will recover in full and many will not. It’s difficult to not feel ashamed when full recovery is not attained. But I won’t give up hope.
I wrote this and posted it on social media. It was hard to do and felt overwhelmingly vulnerable. I almost didn’t. I knew it was going to stir up hard emotions I didn’t want to deal with today. And it did. And I sobbed. But it was received with kind comments full of love and support and I’m so grateful for those who took the time to write them. I also received private messages from a few friends who thanked me for sharing because they are also going through something similar and it helped them to see they weren’t alone and that it’s ok to not be ok, yet. That meant more to me than anything! I don’t know all the “whys” but if I can help even one person I’m beyond grateful that some good can come out of this situation. I don’t have all the answers. But I can sit with you and listen and understand. Sometimes just having someone sit next to you while you cry, scream, and yell and not judge you is the best medicine. If you need that, I’m here.