Who, Me?

I’d been in Primary for so long I think I’d forgotten how to have women friends, and what a huge blessing they are to me. I’ve been able to meet women from all different backgrounds, upbringings, states, countries, converts, newly weds, first time mothers..you name it!

They say when you are called in the church you always gain more than what you give. I know this to be TRUE! I’m a more complete person than I was just a few months ago because of the growth I’ve achieved by being able to serve. I hope that the women of my ward know …REALLY know..how much I love them, how much I appreciate them, and how much they have changed “me”.

There is “one” part of my calling that I do struggle with however. It’s been a huge source of anxiety, stress, and feeling of inadequacy…Teaching…

There is an article in the January Ensign that really was the inspiration for me writing this entry to day. The article is called, ” Who, Me? Teach?” The title just lept off the page into my heart! I will quote a from it:

I feel like my life is so crazy with my family and activities that it feels almost impossible to be “inspired”. Not only that, I feel very inadequate. I’ve had VERY little experience with R.S. in my life. We have women in our ward that are Spiritual Giants. We have women who are so well read and well spoken. They have true natural talent at speaking and teaching and inspiring others.

I’ve spoken to some of my friends about these feelings I’ve had over the past months. Sometimes we are called to positions in the church not necessarily for others..but for our “own” growth. Not to say lives won’t be touched at all by our serving, but that the greater purpose is that we are stretched and molded and changed in the ways Heavenly Father wants us to be. This I feel is what this calling is in my life.

I’m really a pretty shy person initially. I struggle with stepping out side of my comfort zone to approach others I barely know and strike up conversations like we’ve been bff’s for years. But I’ve been “stretched” to do so. It’s been extremely difficult to stand up in front of my peers and speak to them on spiritual matters that I feel I’m not the most experienced person to be doing so. Who am I to stand before you and lead??? But I have been “stretched” to do so.

I know there are some who turn down callings because they feel that they are too busy, the calling they feel is beyond their abilities, or they just don’t feel like it is a good fit. Let me tell you from my own experience, all 3 of those thoughts ran through my mind when I was in the Bishop’s office and still today. The difference is….I did accept (apprehensively..but I did. 😛 )I’ve felt the Lord’s hand in my life in ways I never would have if I would have said no. I’ve had several experiences where it was confirmed to me certain blessings have come “because” of accepting this calling. Wherever I fall short, Heavenly Father fills in the gap. It has been an emotional and challenging time in my life, but I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

I’m soo thankful for my calling. I still have feelings of doubt and fear and frustration. But those are all tools that Satan uses to make us feel as he does. They are also because I’m human. I’m not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. I just have to remind myself that I have a purpose, and God will “make weak things become strong.” I will have faith! 🙂