I was reading one of the blogs I follow this morning and the gal posted a link to a website for a photo contest about Moms. I was scanning picture after picture and then my heart just turned to mush and my eyes filled with tears…
I’m continually amazed at how my Father in Heaven knows me so personally and knows how to speak to my heart. I’ve loved taking pictures since I was young. I love capturing life and having those memories forever. Journaling, scrapbooking, all of it!! And so for an intimate moment between my Heavenly Father to come through photos just meant that much more to me today. For several months now I’ve been feeling like a grumpy, irritable, cranky Mom. The daily grind has been getting to me.
I hear my friends gush over how much they love their kids ( I love mine too don’t get me wrong..but it’s been a challenge). Hearing them say how they ‘love’ to do every mundane activity with them every single day, day in and day out, as if life is like one big fluffy cloud of cotton candy was really bothering me.
I’ve been struggling to keep up with all the demands on my time. I have family situations that overwhelm me (my own and extended), and financial obligations that weigh on my mind. My calling that keeps me at continual meetings, out on visits to women’s homes, teaching class upon class, and in a state of constant preparation for upcoming lessons. (Again..I love my calling..it’s just been a challenge). My house is in what should be declared as a “State of Emergency” because tornadoes hit hourly. The shopping has to be done…but I can’t just go to 1 store I have to hit at least 3! The kids come home from school and then a whole new wave of ‘jobs’ have to get done..mostly me making sure they get theirs done. It is a continuous state of nagging and following behind them even though they are aware of what needs to be done, cuz they have a handy little chart I made them in “hope” it would end the nagging but……you get it….
So back to the purpose of this post. It really wasn’t to rant about all the things I have to get done in a day. This post is about “Recognizing”. Today through a very unexpected way my Heavenly Father ‘recognized’ me. Looking at the faces of all those beautiful, strong, intelligent, tired, overworked, juggling masters of Mothers I started to see myself. I looked at the way one of the mothers had fallen asleep on the couch holding her baby in a papoose him being asleep as well. Oh!… I remember those days …of never ending feedings, diaper changes, and spit up. I looked at the mom sitting on the couch with her two boys and a baby girl dressed up in their Sunday Best and Dad was probably behind the camera capturing that moment of cleanliness just for Mom. The photo of the Mom sitting and talking with her Mom/Grandma in the living room talking about common interests, the weather, and sharing their lives with each other touched my heart so tenderly. There were sooo many wonderful photos capturing Motherhood. As I kept scrolling through them and studying them and really ‘looking’ at those Mother’s faces I saw what I needed to see..
A photo of a Mother with tears in her eyes holding her brand new baby. Are her tears of happiness? Fear? Joy? Exhaustion? All of the above???? Her expression I feel is all of the above. It reminded me that we are all together in this journey we call Motherhood. Some travel a little easier through it than others..but the road is pretty much the same. The unedited emotion on her face reminded me of how I felt as a young Mom…and now almost 10 years under my belt those feelings are generally the same. As Mothers we are all just trying to figure it out.
I know this ‘season’ is just that…. a ‘season’…I need to remember to enjoy it all while I can. Life is complicated for sure..but I need to remember my focus are my children. I need to put them in the forefront and concentrate on the positives they bring into this world with them. I do love them dearly. I waited a very long time to be a Mother. There was even a period of time we wondered if we would ever have children of our own. We were scared and had many heart wrentching experiences trying to bring those little rays of sunshine here to Earth. I hope they know how much I love them and I hope that I haven’t led anyone to believe otherwise with this post. Just some days are tougher than others to remember it’s fun to try scrub nail polish off your 3 year old’s lips cuz she thought it was lip-gloss! 😛
I love you Eli, Alayna & Walker! 🙂Love,